The past three years have been the most challenging of my entire life. There have been more downs then ups and at times I have felt like a tree swaying in a storm.
Over the past year my life has changed so much, most of it was unexpected changes. Most notably the breakdown of what I consider my longest lasting relationship, 13 years. A change I didn't see coming and never expected at all and it hit me like a thunderclap. I've had my heart broken many times before but this was something else. This was a life slapping you in the face and waking you up from a dream kind of situation. When I decided to end the relationship it was tough, I wondered if I had made the right decision. Things hadn't been working well for a while and I just decided that no matter how much I loved him, no matter how much we had been through together. It just wasn't working and we had to seperate for both of our sakes.
You will never hear me slag him off, I will not talk about what happened. I'm not a bitch. At the end of the day he was a pretty major player in my life and I suppose he always will be. I will always love him and respect him as a person but the relationship had to end. Sure I was angry for a while, he really hurt me and totally shattered my heart. I called him every name under the sun, didn't want to hear his name, mention him and wanted him out of my life. After almost a year we spoke and decided we could be civil with eachother as we share a lot of friends and it'd be inevitable we'd come across eachother again. Neither of us wanted friction for our sakes and our friends. So at the moment it is amicable. Nobody talks of what happened and for now at least it is civil. I will still support him as a friend as he has been there for me when I needed him. That is all I will say on the matter.
Along with all of that came a house move. For the first time in my life I was moving out and living by myself. A thought which terrified me. I didn't know how I would cope with it, if I could actually be an adult. I just decided it was time for a change. So I moved further away from central London. To Kent. Still close enough to my family and still only just in the SE London postcode. If you go to the end of my road you're in Kent so I'm right on the border.
Ironically it was exactly a year ago today that my removals van moved all of my stuff. That was a crazy day, seeing my life packed up and piled up in boxes. I didn't officially move in until a few weeks later but most of my stuff went that day, it was literally just a few items of clothing I had left to take on the actual day.
So a year later and I am still here, still alive. I've managed to look after myself for a whole year. I still feel like I'm about 16 on the inside, I'm waiting for the day when I actually feel like an adult.
So this is it the new chapter in my life and my new blog. Previously I kept seperate blogs for posts on meditation, gardening, pets and whatever else. Now everything will be posted on here. So the posts will be a little varied at times but that's me. I'm a varied kind of gal. I'm doing things my way now and simplifying my life.